RadioSEGA Review: Bayonetta (Xbox 360)

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Reknoc
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RadioSEGA Review: Bayonetta (Xbox 360)

Post by Reknoc »

Let's talk about Hideki Kamiya; he's a sexy man, there's a gif floating around of him doing a sexy pose, I would look it up and upload it in here but quite frankly I don't want to be writing this with an erection or posting if I were to do it afterwards. He's a sexy man so naturally he knows sexy, some would say Bayonetta isn't very sexy that's alright not everyone does. So basically that's Bayonetta a possibly sexy if you're into that action game. And done.

Oh well alright so what is Bayonetta or if you haven't been living under a rock in a cave at the bottom of the ocean in a different dimension lost in space; what makes Bayonetta the best action game to date? Well it's simple really, how awesome was Devil May Cry? So awesome and Bayonetta is better than that so naturally it's the best.

So Bayonetta and Devil May Cry before it are what one could call a stylish action game, that generally means looking cool if you're into anime with alot of dodging then shooting then swording things to death, this is pretty different to say God of War or Ninja Gaiden which are more brutal rip everything to death RAGE RAGE ARRRRRRRRRREEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! uh woah. It's faster and incredibly airbased, but what sets Bayonetta apart for its easier difficulties and what makes it abit more more approachable is the masterbation one handed mode, er I mean the witch time, which when Bayonetta does a perfectly timed dodge slows down time so you can smack up enemies as you please. This is however just to hand hold you for later difficulties if you wish to try them (I personally didn't but I probably will eventually) because while witch time is what sets it apart it makes it pretty obvious it doesn't need such a thing because the core mechanics are so well made. The controls are precise and fluid making them just perfect, though it could have done without the QTE but you don't really need to do them. Unless they're cutscene QTE which it could have done without period.

To make the combat easier and more varied you can buy new combos, you can also choose what combos you want active at anytime leaving room for some customization, at the shop between all missions, currency is halos which look suspiciously like a more famous type of ring. You can also buy items to heal and upgrade health or new costumes just incase Bayonetta didn't already fit a fetish you have.

Beating things up every level would soon get boring right? Well no you're wrong and so were Platinum when they decided to spice things up. So there's these two levels one is abit like Hang-On the other like Space Harrier and yea, don't get me wrong, they're fun little nostalgia trips at first but then you quickly realise there is still a lot more level left and they both get really boring really fast.

Graphically Bayonetta is quite good, some of the enemies look abit funky but that may just be their holy blur. Main characters however look great and lets face it as they should for a game that flaunts its sex appeal. Something something Bayonettas bum.

Sound is the marmite of this game, the music is insanely cheesy, I personally love all of it including the rather butchered version of Fly me to the Moon, but then I watched Evangelion which enjoyed butchering Fly me to the Moon almost as much as not making any sense but others may not like it at all. There's also a battle song and as much as I love the song, songs for battle themes just dont work, you need something that will be enjoyable to listen to repeatedly, something that can last as long or as short as it needs to and a proper song just doesn't (See also: Persona 3 and 4). Sound effects themselves are pretty decent but Bayonetta can be abit too chatty for her attacks, dunno if I need to keep hearing HAAH and YAAHs all the time. Which swiftly brings me onto the lowest point of the sound department, the voice acting. Okay okay it's probably supposed to be bad but you just hear it way too much for you to find it funny and cheesy like you would in say... the EDF games.

Right yes let's get to it... Christ the story is dumb and makes no sense. Again it's supposed to be bad even going as far to be told through low budget stills but like the voices there's just too much of it, I honestly thought of skipping stuff because I just wanted to get to playing the game but I didn't I soldiered on and regret it totally. I would say if the characters were any good but forgettable would be a better word, theres some Danny Devito guy, some black dude maybe? then there's two talking arses... oh hang on there's also some scarf guy and a little girl though they may be the same person and I'm thinking of Hermoine from Harry Potter.

So overall? Quite frankly the gameplay is perfect but theres just a few niggles stopping it from getting the full 5, 1. Yes have interesting stages but make them shorter, 2. Cut down on the cutscenes, unless Bayonetta is doing something totally rad I don't give a shit. 3. QTE.

4 (a very high one though)/5

Don't mention the PS3 version, no one cares how shitty it was then may have been fixed.
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Post by Kaito-kun »

Reknoc wrote: Don't mention the PS3 version, no one cares how shitty it was then may have been fixed.
What was wrong with the PS3 version anyway? I've not played either version.
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Post by Reknoc »

Kaito-kun wrote:What was wrong with the PS3 version anyway? I've not played either version.
Long load times, and not just between levels but for accessing the pause menu and whenever you died. It may also have had framerate problems.

No wait I said to specifically not mention it WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOO

OOO

O

like......... this

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Post by richarddavies »

I thought this was a great game. It's the first game in literally years though where i've ended up skipping cutscenes. Im normally OCD about it, I wanna know what's going on but there just complete ramblin bollocks on this. It's like they spent so long making the game awesome it came to like 2 days before they went gold with the game then realised they'd not come up with the story yet and went monkeyshit insane and just chucked any ole crap in.
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Post by Reknoc »

It wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't like 2 days worth of cutscenes in it to tell the story. It almost suffers from a Kojima, I can handle a terribad plot but for crying out loud dont give it such a focus.

O: I said focus! maybe a hint about what I'll do next?
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Post by Matty »

Played the Ps3 version recently?

The install option on the main menu practically eliminates all the loading times & puts it near enough on par with the 360 version
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Post by Reknoc »

Shit better edit all mention of it to be in the past tense. oh wait.
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Post by INeedFruit »

Its really not funny how good at this game you can get. I'm still playing it on and off even this long after its release. I think the difficultly levels are spot on too. I've gotta say I didn't mind the version of fly me to the moon especially compared to the Evangellion version *shudders*
Good Review.
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Post by Rayne »

Bayonetta was a weird game. At first I thought the combat (more specifically, Witch Time) was genuis. Then I fought more and more enemies that got cheaper and cheaper and more and more repetitive. Then I got bored. Then it made me do absolutely bullshit cinematic sections like standing on a gun turret shooting at a giant dragon that kills you with a few hits.

It took me no less than 8 billion tries to beat it, thus ruining my score. That felt really cheap.

On top of that I hate Bayonetta as a character, that whole dominatrix english teacher japanified thing leaves me cold.

Much prefer Ninja Gaiden myself.

Lol, interesting point though, in January it was getting numerous tips for GOTY awards and it got, erm, no mentions. Do you reckon that was because it was released so long ago that people plain forgot about it?
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Post by richarddavies »

I pretty much outright hated Bayonetta until I got to the last few levels. I just thought it was bonkers but then all of a sudden it just clicked and I love it now. That song that plays every single time you fight will always be burned in my brain though. And not in a good way.
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