This might be the most personal post I could write here. (Mainly because it's what I've been thinking about lately, and as to why I felt mildly depressed for the past 2 months)
In 2010, I actually considered entering journalism, because at the time, I loved doing articles about video games, but I wasn't able to enter the 3-year course dedicated to that in high school because of me going to sciences instead. Year 1 was actually okay, made me rethink my goals, going instead for IT engineering.
Then 2011/2012 went all haywire. I got a girlfriend, which didn't seem harmful at the time, then I only saw my grades slowly decreasing, eventually having me fail at the national exams. I spent the entire month in Angola thinking about everything.
"What did I do wrong?"
"How could I improve?"
And stuff like that.
But then, there was year 2 again, decided to redo it once more (had to either way, fail the exams, you have to redo them), and with a mixed goal. Just get it over with so I could start working elsewhere.
But then, reality started to emerge in 2013. Specifically January.
I got back for the 2nd term of high school, still with the same goal, but then, close to the beginning, I saw
this video. For one, it made me realize what I was usually doing and what was wrong with it (being in certain social media websites, YouTube, all for no reason), I was forgetting what motivated me. What brought me a smile when I was looking at. Of course, that's when my goal of becoming an IT engineer came back, but mid-February, all went haywire again. Harsh words on Valentines, exams going horribly again, among others.
Then I thought again. To the past. What was I doing, what have I done wrong, etc. And it came back to me. I was doing absolutely
NOTHING for what I want. I always got distracted at other things I deemed interesting, like YouTube (again) or social networks. Not to mention how I was acting as a person, which was different from what I normally am. I was becoming a lazy, procrastinating git.
So last week, while in a call with a close person, I talked this out. and realized that I have to make a decision, I'm old enough to do so, and I have no second choices. And I want to prove I can be someone, not just another person on a computer screen.
In conclusion, I redefined my goal for good. I will try as hard as I can to finish these last 2 years and get in college, and be a strong, independent person, not to mention an actual, knowledgeable programmer.
I know it may have been long for you to read, but I consider you as a family, so it seemed okay to share this with every single member, and with that, I thank you for reading (if you did).